During the time when I was trying to get my heart on-board with my head to do the humane thing, to spare Kitty of her misery brought on by cancer, I came across a number of blogs regarding the loss of a pet and what the bible says about pets and end of life. Most took the general position that in Genesis, God gave Adam domain over all the animals, so it’s our responsibility to care for them, and so on. Some used scripture to back up their opinion that pets are a gift to us from God, and that while no one knows for sure that they will be in Heaven as we understand it, there’s a belief that they may be elevated above insects and such and they will have a place. And if you have ever had a pet cat or dog, (and other kinds of pets too), you can’t help but find their affections and loyalty and so many of their ways and behaviors true to that belief.
It was a sunny day in October of 2014 when she came to us. As the kids and I were returning from somewhere, there she was sitting in the driveway. We immediately loved her! She followed us to our backdoor, seemingly expectant to be let in as if she already knew shed be living here.
We had to run back out again so I just put a small bowl of milk out for her. Usually when I would encounter a stray cat, I would leave a small bowl of milk and secretly hope that the cat would become a frequent visitor. Rarely will I catch a stray returning though, so I didn’t expect to see her still in the driveway when we returned. But, there she was.
She spent the next two days in the driveway, and on the deck either looking in the glass door or sitting on the table looking in the kitchen window and meowing. She spent the first night under the deck in a box with a blanket, and the second night on the deck under the grill in a sideways plastic box with a lid to keep the rain out. Sitting on the deck table the third day, a neighborhood friend of Tylers’ recognized her as “Tiger” who used to live near him. He said her family had to move, and so they left her there three days ago. I felt so sad for her in that moment, but then immediately realized that it was one more reason that she could stay here.
After lots of prayers and agreeing to terms of negotiation that I take her to the vet asap for shots and to get fixed, Steve agreed to let her stay. So the third night, she slept inside our house, on the couch, with me. ♥
We couldn’t tell for sure how old she was, but the vet said likely between 1 and 2 years old. She’d been microchipped, fixed, and recently adopted from a shelter in Pottstown. The owners, or whomevers’ phone number was associated with the microchip wouldn’t acknowledge her. How sad for her to be left behind like that, but I was so thankful that I could make it up to her. If a cat can be made for a specific family, then she was made for us.
In the mornings, she would wake me just before my alarm would sound. Then she would follow me to each of the boys’ rooms as I woke them for school. If a bathroom door was closed she would scratch at the door or slide her paw underneath while she waited for them to open it. When they came back out, she would just enjoy their company before we headed downstairs.
At the kitchen, she’d first want to step outside and see what the weather was like before having her breakfast. She would always “meow” as I put her bowl down for her – I’m sure she was saying, “thank you”. Next stop was to lay on the kitchen table, preferably on top of Steve’s bible as he tried to do his devotions.
When it was time for the boys to catch the bus, she would head out the front step with me to sit and watch as they headed down. Depending upon the weather, her daytime naps would be on the deck, in the living room in a ray of sunlight, or wherever her mood put her that day. Sometimes shed hang out in her cat tree, but mostly she enjoyed going in and out of the house during the day and into the evening, and she always came in at night when I called her.
Nine months after we took her in, we were going away on an extended Cross-Country Trip. I didn’t know how she would take us being away, but she did fine. And times after that when we would go away, she would usual stay around the driveway while we packed up knowing that we would be locking her inside for an unknown amount of time. It was like she understood that we would leave but always come home, and she was ok with it. Maybe she enjoyed the quietness of the house for a few days.
She was every bit a cat as she could be, even down to her hunting abilities which were super-sharp. Nothing was off limits – birds, baby rabbits, chimpmunks, voles, or mice. She was a great watchcat too – if a cat came around, she would let it know that this was her place and they were not welcome. She didn’t care for dogs either. She played a good Queen.
And so, she was a part of our family. For the kids, she was fun to pet or to pick-up and hold like a baby, or to make chase toy mice or shiny tinsel. We would make up new names for her, and give her treats just for being her. So often coming home, she would be sitting in the driveway, and we would say, “there she is!”. And sometimes at night when I would call her in, she would return and stand up at the door once she could see me coming to open it. It was as if she was thankful, and that I was letting her in for the very first time, every time. And when it came to Christmas, I’m sure she thought the tree skirt was there only for her. She would spend most of December there, and even looked slightly annoyed when the presents showed up!
Sometime this past March, I noticed that she wasn’t coming upstairs in the morning anymore. I had began working with Steve at his office over the last few months pretty regularly, so I guessed she was bothered that I wasn’t around as much. She was still jumping and climbing on things, and up and down stairs, so I didn’t think anything physically was wrong. She was up for her annual checkup anyway, and then I noticed she wasn’t eating so much. She did look thinner, but she’d always slim down a bit by late Spring since she would lose most of her winter coat.
I really never saw it coming when the doctor touched her stomach and said she had a mass. I never put her odd behavioral changes and lack of appetite together. The doctor wasn’t even sure that she could be as young as 7, given the size of the mass. He x-rayed, and ultrasounded her, and determined that I could give her prednisone and think about surgery. He believed the mass was just under her heart and near her stomach. He could open her up to find out, but if it would be where he thought, then it would also likely be entangled in arteries which would basically mean a death sentence that moment. He said he wouldn’t even close her back up if that were the case. Or, no surgery, and we just wait. How could I say goodbye to my little buddy? In a house of boys, she was my only girl!
So weeks went by. I watched her get thinner and thinner. She drank less water, if even at all, and stopped eating. I tried everything to convince her to eat, but she wouldn’t. I even used a syringe a few times. She hated that. I came to realize that she wasn’t eating because she wasn’t hungry but because she couldn’t. She’d hide under Tyler’s bed, or in her basket, or underneath the cars in the driveway. I even found her under a shrub one day.
I know I should’ve put her down sooner, but I just couldn’t do it. I prayed and prayed, but still couldn’t. And even as I go through these pictures of her at the end, I’m ashamed to say that I shouldn’t have let her go on like this for so long. I finally resolved to take her in to the vet to see if there was anything else they could do, besides the surgery, just to give her a little more time, but knowing that this would likely be her last day.
My heart more broken than I could have imagined, I brought her home in a white cardboard coffin. I decided that I wanted to bury her at home, in our backyard, outside, near the deck, where she was most content, near me. I dug the grave myself, and it was not easy for me but it was necessary. Gabriel and I wrote on the box, then I placed it in the ground and we prayed, with Christian, in the rain. I walked out to the driveway after the last patch of grass was placed back on the ground. She was really gone. Then through my tear-filled eyes, the sun started to break through the clouds to reveal a double rainbow.
Goodbye, Kitty. ♥
